Hubby likes to rib me for blogging…or ‘blagging’ as he likes to call it, (I won’t tell you what he calls Twitter…it’s just too rude), however, he is a great writer himself you know, (he should be, he went to one of the best schools in the world), and excellent at speeches, (he’s been best man three times and a groom once…I hope!), so in honour of Father’s Day I’m going to introduce you to my hubby, yes he’s ACTUALLY going to do some blagging himself whilst I watch a programme about Kenny Everett, (what a genius)…hubs? Hubby? HUUUUBBEEEEE???
…so what does an intensely private person publicly write on the subject of themselves? To me this has roughly the same feel as being locked, naked, out of the house or, being the childless and lone man in the vicinity of other people’s children. What can I write that will cause myself and others the least embarrassment and that will not result a premature end to my wife’s burgeoning social life? The Team set to work…
Everyone who is unsure that their views are widely held should have a Team. A Team offers two vital support mechanisms for those whose minds work somewhat at odds with the rest of the world: justification; and deniability. Views put forward by the Team are widely held, by virtue of them being Team views. Conversely, should those views be so unpalatable as to provoke an unforeseen reaction, they were of course not mine. A majority decision led to an obligation to place those views in the public domain, quite against my advice. Some see this as lying, but the widely held view (the Team’s) is that it is nothing of the sort.
The Team have an important role to play in day to day negotiations with my wife, who is both a skilled and persistent adversary. Her truly awe-inspiring armoury includes assumptive closes, scarcity arguments, emotional blackmail, reward systems, intimidation and threatened and actual embarrassment.
She and I are at philosophically opposite ends of a wide spectrum. While she was born to instruct, I was born to ignore all instruction. Frustration, for her, follows from my stubborn refusal to carry out her multiple orders. Frustration, for me, follows from her stubborn refusal to cease her orders. Battles are won and lost on a daily basis, but the united strength that the Team provides allows the war to continue.
Ultimately, the Team and I know that our time is running out. Her ranks have been swelled by the terrifying growth in intellect of our two daughters. There soon will come a point beyond which further conflict is pointless and more damaging than rewarding. For now though, we savour our rare victories, and cling doggedly to the last vestiges of family power, knowing that the long winter is close.
To all those others in similar predicaments, I raise a glass to you and toast “Happy father’s day”…!